One of the DMs I mentor asked me recently about handling a younger player, in online sessions , who struggled a bit with talking over others and social timing during sessions. Thought I’d share my response here in case it helps other facilitators working with kids, neurodivergent players, or energetic groups.
A few things that really help:
• Start the session with a positive pep talk about the behaviours you want to see. Don’t focus on what not to do. At all. ever.
• When players demonstrate those behaviours — even in small ways — praise them immediately.
“Thanks for letting someone finish speaking.”
“Thanks for doing xx. That makes me a happy DM.”
Positive reinforcement goes a very long way. In fact, it goes ALL the way.
A lot of the time it’s not “bad behaviour” (sometimes it is, sob. They are kids, lol.) It’s impulsivity, excitement, or simply not yet understanding social timing and communication flow.
Some practical tools:
• Use initiative order during social encounters if needed (any long serving DM will know this tip. News flash! It works with adults too!)
• In person, a “talking stick” can work wonders. I use my skull dice roller, but I’ve also used a sock and a yoda plate.
• Online, you can have players wave an object before speaking — sounds silly, but even a small pause can help slow impulsive interruptions.
I also strongly recommend ending sessions with a short reflection/debrief where you highlight something positive each player did. If there’s a player struggling socially, mention them first and genuinely celebrate a success they had.
The biggest thing I’ve learned, with PDA kids especially, positive modelling works far better than punitive or reward (bribes don’t work) approaches. I can’t say that enough. The more safe, encouraged, and successful they feel socially, the more likely they are to engage positively with the group.
I’ll let you know how my DM goes.