I have been thinking about the words we use when we talk about teaching and learning, particularly when supporting young people with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

I have been thinking about the words we use when we talk about teaching and learning, particularly when supporting young people with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

A simple question I have found useful is this:

If I replace the word teach with either show or tell, does the approach still feel right?

For example, “I am going to teach someone how to do this” can mean many different things. It could mean demonstrating a skill, working through an example together, or creating an opportunity for someone to discover their own approach. In that case, it is really about showing.

However, sometimes teaching can unintentionally become about giving instructions, explaining expectations, and hoping someone follows the correct steps. In those moments, it can start to feel more like telling.

As soon as instruction and expectation are involved with PDA folks trouble brews.

This distinction has been particularly interesting when working with PDA learners. Showing creates space for curiosity, choice, and shared problem-solving. It allows the learner to engage with the experience rather than simply respond to a direction.

Sometimes showing also means allowing the young person to show you. Their approach may not look the way you expected, but the learning opportunity is still there.

This is not about removing instruction or never explaining something. There are times when clear information is exactly what someone needs. It is more about noticing the difference between sharing a pathway and asking someone to follow a path that has already been decided.

I’m not someone who ever likes telling someone what to do (in this field my weakness is a strength) BUT the next time you are planning an activity, try swapping the word teach for show and then for tell.

Which one feels like the learning experience you want to create?

Sometimes a small change in language helps us notice a bigger change in the way we connect with learners.